A carer is someone who provides unpaid support to a person living with an illness, disability, mental health difficulty or addiction. In practice, this often means you may be caring for a parent, child, partner, grandparent, grandchild, other relative or friend. Caring can be short-term or long-term, full-time or part-time. Many carers are women, but carers can be anyone, including children supporting parents. Often, you may not even label yourself as a “carer” because it can feel like simply doing what is needed within a relationship or family role.
You might not identify as a carer if you:
• feel it is your duty or responsibility to look after the person
• provide support that is emotional rather than practical or physical
• assume a “carer” is only someone employed through social services
Even without the label, the impact of caring is real and often significant.
The meaning and impact of caring
Caring can bring meaning and connection, even in difficult circumstances. From your perspective, it may help you:
• build confidence in supporting others and navigating services
• deepen empathy and understanding of other people’s struggles
• gain perspective and appreciation for your own life
• feel closer to friends and family who understand
• experience a sense of purpose
At the same time, caring can carry a heavy emotional and physical load.
The challenges you may experience
When you are in a caring role, you may notice:
• ongoing stress and worry about the person’s health, safety, future, finances, medication and appointments, making it hard to rest mentally
• strain in your relationships or partnership, sometimes leading to conflict or isolation
• loneliness, especially if you have less time for friends, hobbies or work colleagues
• reduced attention to your own health, sleep, exercise and medical needs
• disruption to education or career development
• financial pressure from reduced income or extra costs of care
• emotional conflict, including resentment, anger or frustration followed by guilt
• a loss of identity or self-worth if you feel you are “only” a carer or not doing enough
• increased risk of burnout, low mood, anxiety or unhelpful coping strategies such as alcohol use, disordered eating, self-harm or suicidal thoughts
From a humanistic perspective, it is important to recognise that these reactions are not signs of failure, but often understandable responses to prolonged stress, responsibility, and emotional strain.
What research suggests about carer wellbeing
Research into carers supporting children with cerebral palsy highlights that distress is more likely when:
• the child has greater physical or mental health needs
• behavioural difficulties are higher
• family functioning is strained
However, higher self-esteem and a sense of mastery can help buffer this stress.
Other studies show rates of anxiety and depression in carers:
• 63% of women and 38% of men caring for someone with cancer report moderate anxiety or depression
• 27% of carers for people with heart failure experience significant depressive symptoms
• 23.5% of carers for people with Alzheimer’s disease experience clinical anxiety, and 10.5% depression
These figures highlight how common emotional strain can be in caring roles.
What affects how overwhelmed you may feel
Your experience of stress as a carer may depend on:
• how independent the person you care for is
• how much control you feel you have in the situation
• how complex the caring tasks are
• how much time caring takes each day
• your own physical and mental health
• the quality of your relationship with the person you care for
• the level of support you can access
When caring is emotional rather than physical
If you are caring mainly in an emotional or mental health context, you may sometimes think:
• “I’m not really a carer.”
• “I’m not helping enough.”
• “I don’t understand what they’re going through.”
• “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
• “Am I doing the right thing?”
Mental health caring can also involve additional challenges such as stigma, emotional unpredictability, or difficulty accessing services. Relationships may feel strained if the person you care for withdraws, resists support, or expresses anger or mistrust.
Physical caring, on the other hand, may be more physically demanding and can include:
• home adaptations (stairs lifts, hoists, etc.)
• lifting or manual handling
• personal care
• physiotherapy support
What helps support you as a carer
Support that is genuinely helpful tends to:
• recognise your needs as well as the needs of the person you care for
• acknowledge your identity beyond caring (interests, relationships, goals)
• encourage realistic and compassionate self-care, without guilt
• explore and gently challenge unhelpful beliefs such as “I must do everything perfectly” or “I am not doing enough”
• help you notice anxiety, fear, and pressure without judgement
• support you in building a wider support network
Helpful organisations can include:
• Carers Trust
• Carers UK
• Turn2Us and Citizens Advice (for financial guidance)
• Rethink Mental Illness (peer support for mental health-related caring roles)
• NHS Social Care and Support Guide
A closing reflection
In a caring role, it is easy to become invisible to yourself while focusing on someone else’s needs. From a humanistic perspective, it matters to recognise that carers are often carrying sustained emotional, physical and financial strain.
If you are a carer, you also deserve care, support, rest and recognition.
Source:
Launder, A. (2022). Counselling Carers [lecture]. Counsellor CPD. Counselling Tutor. [23/09/24].