How Have You Been Feeling Lately?
Take a moment—really pause—and think about the past few months. How have you truly been feeling?
Life can often feel like an emotional rollercoaster. Research shows that our feelings and our emotional intelligence play a crucial role in nearly every aspect of life: attention, memory, learning, decision-making, relationships, physical and mental health, creativity, and performance. The good news? There’s hope.
Over the past few decades, researchers and practitioners have developed strategies and tools to help us manage emotions—especially stress—more effectively. This post is designed to deepen your understanding of the science of emotion and equip you with practical approaches to improve your wellbeing and support those around you.
Why Our Emotions Matter
Just like maths and science have their own vocabularies, so do emotions. The more words we have to describe how we feel, the better we can understand, communicate, and manage those emotions. For instance, someone who feels overwhelmed at work might benefit more from practical strategies like prioritisation or delegation, rather than meditation.
Our emotions are shaped by our experiences, personalities, and cultures. What makes one person feel calm and safe might be completely different for someone else—even someone very close to them. The same event can bring joy to one person and anxiety to another. Recognising and respecting these differences reduces misunderstandings and fosters empathy.
The Power of Understanding
We often assume others feel the same way we do about certain situations, but research shows that’s rarely the case. Take a moment to think about a relationship in your life. What frustrates you? What brings you joy? Now consider what you think frustrates or brings joy to the other person. How similar—or different—are your answers?
Having a rich emotional vocabulary allows us to express ourselves more clearly, which in turn helps us manage how we feel more effectively.
Emotions in the Workplace
We don’t leave our emotions at the door when we go to work. Even if we’re doing our best to appear composed, our feelings often show—whether we realise it or not. They influence how we see others, how we make decisions, and how we relate to our colleagues.
Emotions are contagious. A passionate colleague can energise a team, while someone who’s disengaged can have the opposite effect. Awareness is the first step. Ask yourself: Is how I’m feeling right now helping me in this moment? If not, what might you do to shift your emotional state?
Emotional Intelligence Is Not About Always Feeling Happy
It’s about recognising and understanding emotions—our own and other people’s. The COVID-19 pandemic was a powerful reminder of this. We were all in the same storm, but not in the same boat. Acknowledging these differences, especially those shaped by identity, power, and culture, is essential.
Interpersonal dynamics—such as race, religion, socioeconomic status, and gender identity—shape how emotions are expressed and interpreted. Misunderstandings often happen when we overlook or misread these differences.
Mapping Emotions in Relationships
Understanding the emotional patterns in our relationships helps us build stronger, more inclusive bonds. This means questioning assumptions, being honest about how we feel, and asking others how they feel too.
Have you ever been a role model for good emotional regulation? Or looked back and thought, I could have handled that better? These moments of reflection are key to growth.
Emotion Management Is a Skill—And We Can Improve It
Managing emotions doesn’t mean suppressing or ignoring them. It’s about gaining clarity so we can think more clearly, make better decisions, maintain healthy relationships, and support our overall wellbeing.
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Some people manage stress by going for a run or drawing. Others recharge by spending time with loved ones—or simply by taking a nap. Culture, personality, and context all influence what works best.
Think about how you’d like to feel in the months ahead. What kind of energy do you want to bring to your work? If you’re not feeling it right now, you’re not alone. Research shows that while many people want to feel excited, safe, confident, and happy, they often report feeling stressed, frustrated, and overwhelmed instead.
The Brain and the Biology of Stress
Two key parts of the brain are responsible for how we experience and manage stress:
The limbic system, which quickly detects threats and activates the survival response—fight, flight, or freeze
The prefrontal cortex, which helps us reason, plan, and regulate emotions
When we’re under stress, the limbic system takes over, and access to the thinking brain is reduced. That’s why it can be hard to stay calm or think clearly when overwhelmed. Over time, prolonged stress can seriously affect our physical and mental health.
Understanding this helps us see stress as something we can manage—by choosing the right strategies to bring ourselves back into balance.
Helpful vs Unhelpful Strategies
Not all strategies for dealing with stress are helpful. Some may offer temporary relief but cause more harm in the long run.
Unhelpful strategies include:
- Negative self-talk
- Blaming or complaining
- Avoidance or procrastination
- Yelling or emotional suppression
- Poor sleep or nutrition
- Excessive screen time or substance use
- Rumination or wishful thinking
Helpful strategies include:
- Positive self-talk
- Seeking support from others
- Humour and positive reframing
- Taking action on what you can control
- Healthy habits: sleep, movement, hydration, nutrition
- Talking to a professional
- Short-term distractions
- Breathing and mindfulness techniques
Take a moment: When you’re stressed, exhausted, or upset, what unhelpful strategies do you tend to use?
Building Your Emotional Toolkit
Strong emotion management includes both action strategies (what we do) and thought strategies (how we think).
Action strategies:
- Taking care of your body (breathing, eating, sleeping, moving)
- Asking for help and offering it to others
- Creating daily routines
- Celebrating small achievements
- Doing activities that bring joy
Thought strategies:
- Reframing the way you see a situation
- Practising gratitude
- Using positive self-talk
We’ve been using emotion strategies since we were babies—crying for attention, for example—but as adults, we sometimes fall into habits that no longer serve us. The key is to be intentional and consistent in using strategies that are helpful and healthy.
When we are well-rested, nourished, and socially connected, we’re better prepared to handle life’s challenges.
Start With Your Breath
One of the simplest yet most powerful ways to regulate emotions is to breathe mindfully. It soothes the nervous system, reconnects us to the rational brain, and helps us be present.
There’s no need to sit a certain way or clear your mind. Just sit tall, breathe in slowly for three seconds (thinking “in”), and breathe out for three seconds (thinking “out”). Repeat.
Breathing is a universal human experience. Whether we’re feeling anxious, joyful, focused, or exhausted—it brings us back to ourselves.
In Closing
Managing our emotions is a lifelong journey. It requires practice, awareness, compassion, and reflection. With the right tools, language, and support, we can build the skills we need to thrive—and help others do the same.
So, how would you like to feel in the weeks ahead?
Source:
Managing emotions in times of uncertainty and stress: Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence