The Polyvagal Theory helps explain how our body reacts to stress, connection, and safety. Developed by neuroscientist Dr Stephen Porges in the 1990s, it’s now widely used in counselling and psychotherapy to understand why people sometimes feel anxious, disconnected, or overwhelmed — even when they want to feel calm and in control.
At its heart, the theory shows that our body and mind are closely linked. It reminds us that many of our emotional reactions begin in the body long before we’re consciously aware of them.
How Our Nervous System Responds to the World
Our autonomic nervous system works in the background, keeping us alive — regulating our heartbeat, breathing, and digestion. It also constantly scans our surroundings for signs of safety or danger.
Depending on what it senses, it moves between three main states:
- Safe and Connected (Social Engagement)
In this state, our body feels settled and calm. We can think clearly, communicate easily, and connect with others. It’s the state we’re in when we feel comfortable and open. - Fight or Flight (Mobilised)
When our body senses threat, we automatically prepare to take action — perhaps by escaping or defending ourselves. The heart rate increases, breathing quickens, and we feel more alert. This response can show up as anxiety, restlessness, or irritation. - Shutdown (Freeze or Collapse)
If the situation feels too overwhelming, the body may move into a shutdown state. Energy levels drop, emotions may feel flat, and people might feel disconnected or numb. This is the body’s way of protecting itself when it feels there’s no way to escape or fight.
These states are completely natural and happen automatically. We all move between them throughout the day — for example, feeling calm during a chat with a friend, stressed in a traffic jam, and relaxed again once home.
The Body Leads, the Mind Follows
One of the most important ideas in the Polyvagal Theory is that our body reacts before our mind does. Most of the signals between the brain and body actually travel from the body upwards, not the other way round.
This means that when we feel anxious or flat “for no reason”, our body may simply be responding to something it has sensed — even if we’re not consciously aware of it. Recognising this can help people treat themselves with more understanding rather than frustration.
Why It Matters in Counselling
In counselling, this theory helps to explain why some emotions or reactions can feel hard to manage. It also helps both the counsellor and the client understand what’s happening inside the body, not just in the mind.
When a person feels safe and supported in therapy, their nervous system begins to relax. This process — known as co-regulation — happens naturally between people. A calm, steady presence can help another person’s body feel more at ease. Over time, this helps the body learn how to return to a calm state more easily after stress.
Climbing the “Polyvagal Ladder”
Therapist and author Deb Dana uses the image of a ladder to describe the different states of the nervous system:
- At the top is safety and connection (the calm state).
- In the middle is fight or flight (alert and mobilised).
- At the bottom is shutdown (disconnected or frozen).
Therapy can help people notice where they are on this ladder and gently move towards feeling safer and more connected. This movement takes time and happens at a pace that feels right for each person.
How Counselling Supports the Body and Mind
Because the body and mind are so closely linked, counselling often includes ways to help the body feel safe again. This might involve:
- Grounding techniques, such as noticing the breath or feeling your feet on the floor.
- Mindful awareness, like paying attention to what you can see, hear, or touch.
- Gentle movement, such as stretching or slow breathing to release tension.
- Connection and presence, simply sitting with someone who listens without judgement.
Over time, these experiences help the nervous system become more flexible, so it can move between states of alertness and calm without getting stuck.
You’re Not Broken — You’re Responding to Stress
A key message of the Polyvagal Theory is that our reactions — whether that’s anxiety, anger, or feeling shut down — are not signs that something is “wrong” with us. They are signs that our body is trying to protect us.
As trauma specialist Justin Sunseri puts it:
“You’re not sick. You’re stuck in a defensive state.”
This perspective encourages compassion and understanding rather than self-blame. It helps people move from asking “What’s wrong with me?” to “What happened to me?” — a small shift that can make a big difference.
In Summary
The Polyvagal Theory offers a simple but powerful way to understand how our body and mind work together to keep us safe. It shows that many emotional difficulties are natural protective responses, not personal failings.
In counselling, this understanding can help people feel more in tune with themselves and more patient with their healing process. With time and support, the nervous system can learn that it’s safe to relax, connect, and find balance again.
Source:
Chapman, E. 2020. ‘Autonomic States’. The Polyvagal Theory‘ [Lecture Recording]. Counsellor CPD.